Washington DC Ninja-like Shopping Trip

When you think of Washington DC, you think of politics and the big government engine that keeps this country in such a sad state.

In fact, Washington DC was actually part of Maryland until the federal government did what it does so well and took a chunk for itself.

When people around the world hear the name Washington DC they think the US Government. When my daughter hears the name Washington DC, she thinks shopping.

One day in April, she thought of Washington DC, mentioned it to my wife and the next thing I know there was a shopping trip planned....and I was driving.

I agreed to it, but I put my foot down and said I get to pick the day and time we go. I had to exert my man-like abilities and take charge.

The girls agreed and I won my first battle against these two ninja-like shoppers.

It would be the last.

At least I got to show off my driving skills.

So we get up early on a Saturday and head off towards the golden city.

Little did we know, we were in for something that could only be describe a "travel disaster of epic proportions".

As we got closer to the city, I noticed a unusual amount of traffic. It kind of looked like rush hour on a Friday that began a 3-day weekend.

Traffic Hell as it's known in these parts.

But it was Saturday morning. Never had I seen this much traffic on a Saturday morning....this early. It had to be an accident or something.

That's when I had the "bright idea".

"Lets take the train the rest of the way into the city" I said.

"It will be quicker, less traffic" I said.

Like always, I was wrong.

We get to the station and it was p-a-c-k-e-d!

Tourists from all over the country...... all over the world had the same bright idea I had and rushed the train station.

This is the pretty face they put on for the Metro advertisements.


This is what it looked like when we got there.

The girls were not amused, but I assured them that it would get better.

We got in line to buy our train tickets and wouldn't you know it, we got behind the only people in the world who don't know how to buy a fair card.

The directions are plastered in big letters. They are so BIG that even a blind person can see them. And they talk too!

Put money in, push button, take fair card.

It's not rocket science.

But to this group it was like putting together a bike without directions.

After about 15 minutes of them trying aimlessly to buy a fair card and the line growing to at least 30 people, a nice Metro employee happened along and told them what every person in line was thinking.

"You need to buy a fair card or get (the hell - added by me for effect) out of line and let the other people purchase cards".

Ten more minutes of them trying to work the machine and finally they were on their way.

My turn.

Like a professional Metro fare card purchaser, I bought 3 fair cards and I was out in under a minute. I could almost hear the crowd applauding me as I walk by them with my three cards.
I waved to the crowd as I walk triumphantly past them with my fair cards in hand. A little boy in the crowd looked up at me and said "Hey mister, I want to be just like you when I grow up".
I patted him on the head.
"You will, my boy. Keep reaching for the sky".

The two ninja-like shoppers I brought with me felt differently. They were standing just outside the line staring at me with the deadly Ninja-Shopper-Eyes.

"What took so long"?
"I told you we should have just drove in. We would have been there by now"!

"Just wait girls. It is going to get much more fun and exciting this way" I said.

They both gave me the ninja-like Rolling-Eye Attack.

So we headed to the platform and got on our train.

As the train continued towards the city, the crowd started to grow. Either I was getting smaller or at every stop the train made, people were getting on the train and no one was getting off.

The Jenny Crag diet didn't make me smaller, so it had to be the latter.

By the time the train entered the city, we were packed in like bon-bons being smuggled into fat camp.


The 20-minute trip into the city was more like a touchy-feely hugging seminar than a train ride.


After coming in contact with people that you would most likely find at a monster-truck rally, we arrived at our stop.

That's when the entire crowd disembarked at the same time. Everyone was getting off at our stop.

It was like they knew were I was going and they decided to follow me. I know I am a professional Metro fare card purchaser and they want to be like me, but this was ridiculous.

Then I saw it.

The big sign.

"Cherry Blossom Festival This Stop"

So much for picking the day and time.

I picked the busiest, most packed day of the year....without even trying.

The Washington DC Cherry Blossom Festival.


Hundreds of thousands of people from all over the world come to Washington to see the cherry blossoms.

I had picked the very day, time and metro stop of this festival down to the exact minute it began and the location it was being held. And I didn't even know it until it was too late.

You'd think with all the national advertisements and promotions and 60 years of annual celebrations I would know when the festival is and NOT pick that day.

Only a professional Metro fare card purchaser has that kind of precision.

Here are some pictures from the day.

Coming out of the train station it looked like this. The two ninja-like shoppers (Blue shirt - right, gray dress and red hair -left) head off into the crowd.

The crowd thickens as the two ninjas approach the shopping area.

The first store we reach. H&M. I get to hang out outside in the construction area while the girls go inside to SPEND, SPEND, SPEND.

The Holy Grail of shopping (for teen ninjas)

The Holy Grail's second cousin.

The emerge from the store and I capture the ninja-like shopping team with the camera. I am later pounded to a pulp for taking a picture of the elusive team.

The Fashionestow Stance just before a was hit with her ninja-like Shopping Bag Attack.

Here I capture the ninja-like shopping team blending into the artwork in this rare photo of ninja-like shopping skills.

When I got bored I took these.

Two pigeons give new meaning to the birds and the bees.
The birds and the.......birds
(X-rated content removed)
And for the record, I was not the only one taking pictures of these two in the throws of passion. A crowd gathered and started snapping pictures along side me.

Homeless guy sleeping in front of a library. That can't be comfortable, but at least he has something to read.

Where we (and everybody else) ate lunch. 500 restaurants in DC and everyone had to pick this one.

In Chinatown I was finally rewarded with dimsum.

Best Picture of the Day

The teen ninja passes by the IRS building. The IRS can use a few ninjas to clean it up. Go ninja girl!!
Wondering where our tax dollars are going? They a spent keeping this building running. It's HUGE!!

The day ended up turning out nice, despite the fact that I have a way of picking the worst day to do something.

In the end the two ninja-like shoppers got what they wanted and I survived another adventure.......and I didn't even have to be bailed out of jail or rushed to the emergency room.......this time.