New Flash: New Disease Discovered

New Disease Discovered in America

Washington DC -The Centers For Disease Control announced yesterday that they have discovered 2 new infectious diseases previously unknown to the scientific community. Democraticitus and Republicanitosis have been discovered in humans during campaign season in the United States.
99.8% of the voters tested were found to be positive with one or the other disease. In very rare cases some of the subjects tested positive for both and still others had neither.

Dr Phil Snipe, along with his team made the announcement during a voter registration session in the nations capital.

"These two discoveries will allow us to treat this debilitating diseases better. We now know what causes extreme liberalism and conservatism" Snipe said during the announcement

Both diseases share like and very dissimilar symptoms. When subject with Democraticitus were told to name 3 things that will better the country, they all said the same things: Raise taxes, close the gap between the rich and poor by giving the poor the money from the rich and cut and run from the war. Those with Republicanitosis were asked the same question and gave these answers: Lower taxes, make the poor earn their keep and blow the hell out of everyone who doesn't like us.

"This explains the craziness the country experiences during election years" Dr Snipe added.

In both cases the brain goes through a series of spasms known as "flashes". Each flash contributes to the amount damaged brain cells in the person affected. This, in turn causes a lack of coherent individual thoughts and ideas, thus reducing creativity.
A side effect if these two diseases is that people blindly follow their parties candidate causing the race to be more about winning than what is best for the country.

"We need to do something about this now, before it becomes an epidemic. We must educate the country on this this most damaging disease before it is too late"

The report also noted a corolation between these two diseases and another called Zombieitous , where a person devotes all of their time and money supporting a lost cause.